I need help...

[Seapaw]

Hello my friends of this rpg site! If you don't feel like helping a person, stop reading now.

...

I hope you stopped reading for your sake.

As all but one of you do not know, (unless u r a stalker), I love to write. I am entering an essay contest and my essay is due tommorow. I need your opinion about it. It is titled "The Ripple Effect" and I'm only posting the part I have done... please help out! Tell me about spelling errors, grammer, dialog, suggestions, confusion, ect.

It begins... now.

The murky brown lake did nothing to excite me in the least. The sun was shinning brightly, parting the clouds with brilliant beams of light, and the air was cool and crisp, it was a perfect day to have fun. For everyone but me that is.

I was at Jan Kay Ranch for spring break with a hundred other kids, just waiting to have fun and hang out with all their friends. Never thinking about that kid in the corner, by herself, no one to talk to.

I pumped my legs back and forth and hard as I could, angrily venting on the tire swing, spinning myself in a frustrated way, cursing myself silently.

Why had I let Mom and Dad talk me into coming? I’m just going to sit here on this stupid swing every day, all day long, by myself! I raged at myself, Sure! I’ll make new friends… you might as well! These are the kids you’ll be going to school with! You need to make friends, when you get there, you just need to go up to someone… yada, yada, yada! My face was a vivid mask of anger and I was ready to snap and pour out a steaming mass of swirling emotion and burn the first person I saw to crisp, then sweep up the ashes and dump them in the lake.

“Hey!” My heart stopped and I awkwardly whirled around in my swing.

“Hey…?” I responded, uncomfortably shifting in my seat at her green piercing gaze.

“You’re Robins, right?” asked the girl. She was tall, long straight banged hair, which was the color of the charcoals in the fire from the campfire last night, coal black.

“Krista Robins?” she repeated, juggling a bulky canoe oar from hand to hand, waiting for my answer.

“Um… yeah?” I said slowly, my mind still comprehending that someone actually has come up to talk to me.

“So you’re the other cabin member!” The girl’s intense gaze softened into a small smile. “I’m Wright. Erin Wright. You just kinda disappeared this morning, when everyone woke up, you had already left.”

“Oh,” I said in a small voice. So that’s what this was about, just checking to make sure I was still alive. She would leave any second now. “Thanks, I guess, for checking on me.”

Erin smiled cockily, somewhat knowingly, tilting her head. “So… now what are ya going to do? Sit there all day, alone?” she said, turning way with crossed arms, giving me a sideways, but still challenging, glance.

I lifted my head from off the tire, my amber eyes flaring. “What? You don’t think I have any friends? I could be waiting for someone, you know.”

“You could be…” Erin looked off into the distance at the lake, but then snapped her head back at me, flashing me a smug smile with perfect white pearls. “But you’re not.”

I swayed the tire and swung myself, somewhat gracefully, off, stalking up to the girl wanting to wipe the smug smile clear off her face. “Listen, Wright. You can drop the nice-girl act, just go off with your peppy fri-”

Erin cut me off, throwing the battered canoe oar, shooting me a half smile, half smirk. “You got fire, kid. I like that. Come on, you’re goin’ canoeing.” She turned gracefully, and strut towards the lake.

I gawked at her diminishing figure, totally bewildered.

Wright looked over her shoulder at me, her coal black hair floating in the slight breeze. “Come on!” she called, making a beckoning gesture with her arms.

I shook myself and gave an amused but perplexed laugh. She was different.

[♥Roseblossom♥]

Wow! That's pretty good for...how old are you again...?

[Blazekit]

xD That's nice. It's interesting, not too complex, perfect format-Wait am I sounding like an english teacher?

[Firetwist]

that's awesome! i luv it!

[Seapaw]

I is thirteen! XD
Blaze: Yes but that's what ur supposed to do...

[Blazekit]

xD Well I like it and I don't see anything wrong with it.

[Seapaw]

Thank god. *breathes a sigh of relief* No the other thirty thousand words... here I come!!

[♥Roseblossom♥]

lol at least im not in middle school. good luck in 2 months dawnstar!

[♦Dawnstar♦]

Oh shut up Roseblossom.

[♥Roseblossom♥]

lol word word word

[Dawnpaw]

Dawnstar- Middle school's not that tough. It's actually a lot better than elementary.
Seapaw- OMG I LOVE IT!!! Can u email me the rest?

[Seapaw]

really? I was going to post it on here anyway for people to give comments and express confusion... wow.

***
“Jem, Krista, Krista, Jem,” Erin said, looking bored as she flopped her hand back in forth in introduction.

“Call me Jake,” Jake said, shaking my hand and shooting a glare at Erin. “Wright here, insists that she calls me ‘Jem’ for some random reason.”

“Because your last name is Jemmel,” Wright snickered, tossing me a colossal sized, neon orange, life jacket.

“You know what, Wright?” Jake began, “You…”

The two began arguing about everything in sight, from the color of Jake’s blue life vest to something that happened two years ago.

Jake was on the stocky side, with ruffled dark brown hair, and deep blue eyes. I quickly learned from their constant arguing that he and Erin were close friends who couldn’t stand each other.

I had no idea why Erin had suddenly decided to let me into their group.

If you move these days… and you don’t happen to be in kindergarten where everyone instantly is friends… you’re stuck. You’re lucky if you get to eat at a lunch table where people actually acknowledge you. Life is not like fifty years ago where people actually knew their neighbors’ names.

I certainly don’t, and I kind of wish I did. Having a friend would be nice--moving is not easy for anyone, especially not me. Now looking between these two kids, I realize that maybe I have a chance in Texas. But only because the people that didn’t move reached out a few hands, even though the one that reached out to me first had to slap me in the face to wake me up.

I realized I had been clenching my oar so hard, it hurt, so I relaxed my grip and set the weather-stained oar down and smacked the bickering couple across the back of their head’s with the front of my palm.

They both froze in their vivid arguing and stared at me. “Let’s just go,” I sighed.

Erin green eyes laughed, and she gave a classic ‘Wright smirk.’ “Like I said,” she said nonchalantly, loftily flipping half her black hair over her shoulder, “‘you got fire kid.’”

***
I have to say, Erin was more than she seemed. She was quite a good athlete, and was the last of the three of us to wear out. Even when we floated, exhausted, out in the middle of the lake, she kept her sarcastic and spunky attitude.

“You know, I heard there are alligators out in the lake,” Jake joked (I hoped), “Ever since they found that huge dead pig floating out in the middle of the lake, all it’s inside’s torn out.”

Erin and I shared a look and we both giggled and rolled our eyes.

“Yeah, right,” I laughed, drawing my oar inside the canoe and laying back.

“No, look!” Erin gave a sarcastic gasp. “There are bubbles! There must be an alligator out here!” she mocked, pointing somewhere vaguely on the murky lake.

I gave a snort and sat up. “The only thing out here is ourselves, and snapping turtles.”

“Ahhhh!” Jake gave a fake scream and rocked the boat, holding his paddle on the edge of the canoe. “It’s got us!”

“Stop, Jake!” Erin screeched, clutching the sides. “You’ll tip us!”

“Oh, relax!” Now it was Jake rolling his eyes, he stopped and took his hands off the side of the boat, “It’ll take a lot more than me rocking the canoe to tip us…”

“Like you dropping your paddle in the water?” I said derisively, my turn to roll my amber eyes. “You dropped your paddle, Jake.”

And so he had. The paddle floated in the muddy water, swirling and tangling itself in the terribly long reeds and plants that grew in the water, clutching and dragging down anything it touched.

“I got it!” chorused two voices.

Erin leaned forward in the boat and reached to grab it. At the same time, Jake turned behind him and gripped the oar.
My eyes widened. “No, wait don’t! Just one of you get it! You’ll tip us!” I shrieked.

My warning, however, came a second to late.

“What?” Jake turned his head, halfway overboard as he gripped the oar. Too late. Erin retaliated and jerked us to the side, flipping the canoe in an awkward way and sending me flying into the water.

I didn’t even have time to let loose a cry. I opened my mouth and it was instantly full of water. I sank through the water, surprised at how peaceful it was, and for a second, I let myself sink, laying in a green silence.
But… due to the laws of buoyancy, my life jacket sprung me up after only a few heartbeats and I let loose two powerful butterfly kicks to help it. My head broke the surface, like it was glass, sending miniature droplets of water everywhere. My light brown hair was stained and wet, now seemingly a dark brown. I took in a grateful breath of needed air.

“You like dramatic entrances, don’t you?” Erin grumbled, looking absolutely miserable. Her black hair was hanging across her face; she hadn’t bothered to put her ponytail back in, and her evergreen eyes flashed irritably. She bobbed on the surface of the water, crossing her arms and looking seriously annoyed.

“Wright, I said I was sorry…” Jake began, swimming over to her side with a strong breaststroke.

Erin uncrossed her arms in a quick motion, spraying water everywhere. She then put a hand up in Jake’s face to cut him off. “Save it, Jake Jemmel,” she hissed. She started to swim in the direction of the shore.

“Where are you going?” He called after her, looking hesitant to speak up again. “What about the canoe?”

“I’m not staying here to get eaten by alligators and bitten by snakes,” she yelled, still not looking back. “I would prefer to stay alive, thank-you-very-much.”
Jake and I shared a look, one of nearly pure panic and agreement, and in a heartbeat we were swimming as fast as we possibly could back towards shore. “Regretting those alligator stories now, Jake?” I muttered.

“Save it!” he imitated Erin and threw up a palm.
***
The murky brown lake did nothing to excite us in the least, even more so now. The sun was shining brightly, parting the dark gray clouds with brilliant beams of light, and the air was cool and crisp, it was a prefect evening to have fun after dinner, even with the threat of rain. For everyone but us, of course.

The swing below was unoccupied and empty, a slight breeze made it totter back and forth by Mother Nature’s unseen hand. We were above it actually, in the gigantic oak tree that looked over the rocky beach that was home to the canoe stand.

I smiled slightly--it was nearly completely silent. Everyone but us had gone inside as thunder rumbled in the distance and a few drops of water began their descent to the place we called home. Erin, Jake, and I still said nothing. There was nothing to say. We already understood each other and the feeling of the desire of silence to absorb still rang true, and we each respected it greatly.

Erin sat on the highest point of the tree, sitting on a thin branch, her arms wrapped around a thicker one in front of her. She stared at the lake, no not at the lake, but in the distance.

Jake rested on his back, balancing perfectly on a thick branch. He stared up at the sky, the clouds parting in his view, a slight smile etched upon his face, thinking obviously about some memory.

I lay near the base on the tree, lying on my stomach, looking at the ground and watching droplets of water fall from the sky and join together, dripping off of leaves, forming small pools, staining wood, building rivers.

A particular pool caught my attention and I stared at it, watching it with a small smile.

A droplet of water fell, from the sky, and delicately fell into the that pool of water, sending a shuddering ripple throughout the entire puddle. Affecting the entire puddle, changing it in ways I couldn’t see. Maybe that pool would form a river someday. Who knows?

Just like that tiny, insignificant pool, the ripple affect was taking place in my life.

[Dawnpaw]

Wow. That's all I have to say. Just wow. Not the sarcastic wow either. The "oh my effing god that was amazing" wow.

[Seapaw]

Thanks! Omg you have no idea how much I respect your opinion, that totally boosted my mood.

[Dawnpaw]

No problem. It's really good.